a sale + some songs about it

revisiting how to fake it in hollywood

Sorry to barge into your inbox again so soon, but: the How to Fake it in Hollywood ebook is on sale today for $2.99! I know that the audience of this newsletter likely already owns a copy at this point (if that’s something you’re into), so please alert any friends and family that might be interested in some horny melancholy.

I didn’t want to send this out without any other Content besides pushing a sale for a book that came out two years ago, so this seemed like a good opportunity to do something I’ve been wanting to do for a while: a deep dive into the HTFIIH playlist!! I am inspired in all things by

Alicia Thompson

and I love when she annotates the playlists for her books, so I am shamelessly stealing that idea. (Just kidding, everything I do has some shame attached!)

Writing a book sometimes feels like making a movie where I get to be the head of every department, and putting together the soundtrack is one of my favorite parts. As my Spotify Wrapped for the past few years can attest, I have them constantly on repeat while I’m working on a book. I’m a big lyrics person, so that’s usually my first priority, but I’m also thinking about the overall mood that I want the reader to experience and how I can translate that to the page. Did someone say “horny melancholy?” Let’s go!!!!!!!!!

“Miss World” - Hole
Even though Grey is canonically the Hole fan in the relationship, I’ve always seen this as an Ethan song, since there’s a very tongue-in-cheek woe-is-me energy to the lyrics about the self-destructive pressures of the public eye (I’ve made my bed, I’ll lie in it/I’ve made my bed, I’ll die in it). In the very first draft of HTFIIH, Grey’s birthday party was at a karaoke bar, and Ethan sings this to her as part of his attempt to win her back.

“Handle with Care” - Traveling Wilburys
In all my playlists, there’s always one song that feels like THE song for the couple, and this is the one for them. Like “Miss World,” that jaded world-weary celebrity POV reappears, but there’s also a tenderness, a hopefulness, an unexpected desire to open up and be vulnerable with someone again, even knowing the risks (Been beat up and battered around/Been sent up, and been shot down/You’re the best thing that I’ve ever found/Handle me with care). 

“Sour Times” - Portishead
The lyrics to this are very abstract and cryptic so I’m not going to try impose my own interpretation of them, but this is on here mostly for ~the vibes~ and the chorus. I love the way the sadness of the line Nobody loves me, it’s true is subverted with the addition of Not like you do. A big part of Grey & Ethan’s connection stems from their mutual loneliness, and feeling like the other person Sees and understands them in a way that no one else is able to.

“This is Love” - PJ Harvey
This song feels like the middle-ish of the book for me, when they’re so wrapped up in their infatuation with each other that they ignore everything else, including the problems in their own relationship (Does it have to be a life full of dread?/Wanna chase you ‘round the table, wanna touch your head). I feel like both the music & lyrics do such a good job of capturing that overwhelming, giddy phase of a relationship where’re you’re so obsessed with the other person you feel like the center of the universe– even as the knowledge you can’t live like that forever closes in.

“Sober” - Lorde
This one feels self-explanatory (Palm Springs!!!). But while we’re here, I want to address something that came up in a few reviews, where people were concerned about Ethan’s future life of sobriety since Grey also drinks heavily throughout the book. Maybe I didn’t make this clear enough in the text, but: Grey does not like to drink! However, like many people, she is easily socially influenced to overdo it, especially when dating someone who drinks too much. Once Ethan is sober, Grey is very content to live a mostly-sober lifestyle along with him. Truly, do not worry about them on that front!!

“Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” - Jeff Buckley
I mean……. talk about horny melancholy!!!!!! Jeff Buckley is the patron saint of yearning, sensitive, emotionally damaged men, so of course this had to be on here.

“Look For Me (I’ll Be Around)” - Neko Case
This one is also on here for Mood reasons because it’s so sultry, but the lyrics are also very apt for two characters who aren’t really interested in the lifestyle side of Hollywood anymore and mostly just want to hang out with each other in peace (When you’ve lived it up till it’s got you down/Look for me, look for me/Look for me, I’ll be around). Like, I feel like this is playing when they’re both lurking around his house pretending not to be painfully aware of the other’s presence.

“Love on the Brain” - Rihanna
So far, all of my book playlists have had at least one song from ANTI because it’s a perfect album, and of course Grey and Ethan get one about an intense, frustrating, addictive push-and-pull relationship (And babe, I’m fist-fighting with fire/just to get close to you).

“Hounds of Love” - Kate Bush
[me looking at my own playlist that I made] omg wow I love this song!!! No, but really, I love the restless propulsion of this song, which I feel like perfectly expresses the fear and exhilaration of falling in love, being chased by it, unsure what will happen if you let yourself be caught. The repeated I don’t know what’s good for me, I don’t know what’s good for mes in the outro feel especially appropriate here.

“Nobody Sees Me Like You Do” - Yoko One & The Apples in Stereo
Hammering home the theme of “they’re the only ones who can truly see each other” a little too literally but whatever!!! Yoko’s vocals on this song are so haunting, and even though the John Lennon of it all hangs over these lyrics, they are extremely beautiful and also very fitting for Grey and Ethan, about having an intense connection with someone but still feeling like there’s an aching distance there you can’t figure out how to close (Even with your warmth and closeness/the feeling of loneliness hangs over like a curse).

“Shut Up Kiss Me” - Angel Olson
If “Miss World” is the most Ethan-coded song on here, this one feels like Grey’s, with all the frustration of trying to get close to someone who keeps pushing you away, when you know you could have a good thing if they could just get out of their own way (I ain’t hanging up this time/I ain’t giving up tonight/Even if you walk around as though you think you’re right/At your worst, I still believe it’s worth the fight). To me, this feels like the early part of the book where they’re dancing around each other, not willing to admit their attraction. There’s a playful affection to it, not as heavy on the angst as later.

“Do I Move You?” - Nina Simone
Is this the sexiest song ever recorded?? Like sometimes I skip it because it makes me blush!!! I think Grey probably had this in her head during her failed seduction of Ethan in Palm Springs, lol.

“A Case of You” - Joni Mitchell
Now here’s the angst. A song about a toxic and all-consuming love affair that uses alcohol as a metaphor??? Come on!!!!! I think this represents their long separation towards the end, because obviously the yearning in this is fairly unhappy and ruminative. Like, Grey was probably crying to this song a LOT during those sixteen months. (Is it weird that the verse I met a woman, she had a mouth like yours/She knew your life/She knew your devils and your deeds/And she said, “Go to him, stay with him if you can/But be prepared to bleed” makes me think about Nora? Not that she would give such bad advice, but you know what I mean.)

And that’s all of them!! I had a lot of fun revisiting this, and if you did too, maybe consider recommending the ebook to someone, which I heard a rumor is on sale for a very reasonable price today only!! okay love you bye!!!